U/S Day and 1 Hr GTT Results

The U/S went great... Peanut is measuring about a week bigger than I'm at right now, but the tech said that as you get further along the measurements become more inaccurate as far as gestational age...comforting, huh? She's measuring at 3lbs, 2oz...2 lbs bigger than the U/S on the 2nd of this month! They are pretty confident that it's a GIRL! WHOO HOO!!! She did the "money shot" and where she would normally see a penis if it were a boy, she saw lips... (lemme tell you how confused that made my mom when I said there were lips down there...she didn't get it at first...hehehehehe...I love you Mom!) I have to scan the image, but between that view and the view that the other tech had gotten, I'm ready to call it for the pink team! The EDD on the U/S says 3/11/06...only 8 days off from what the MD says...

When the U/S was done, I stopped in at my Dr's office since they are in the same building. I saw the nurse who then told me that I had failed my 1 hr GTT... Not only did I fail it, but because my numbers are so high, they aren't going to put me through the 3 hr GTT (thank God for small favors...). I was just about twice what they wanted for a fasting sample. (They wanted 80mg/dl, I was 150mg/dl) The results have been sent to the "Education Department" at the hospital who will contact me on Tuesday to set up a Nutritional Counseling appointment...they will try to control it with diet first (which sadly, I can tell you now won't work...I just can't eat everything that they want me to...too much food) and then they will have me checking my blood sugar four times a day. If by the January 11th appointment they are happy with the results, I'm good to go for diet control. If not, they're putting me on insulin.

As upset as I am about the GD, it certainly explains A LOT of the signs/symptoms I've been experiencing...

Possible *the* crib and an outfit :-)

This is the crib Mom and I are going to look at on Monday to see about getting for the Peanut! Whoo hoo!










This is an outfit that I found at Target today...I really am convinced that this is a girl and this outfit was too precious to pass up!!









And it's got cute little tights that go with it! There's a flower on each ankle!

Glucose Tolerance and Ultrasound

The glucose tolerance test SUCKED this morning. I wasn’t allowed to eat after 9pm last night…well, I couldn’t eat lunch yesterday because I had puked all morning…then, I was only able to eat half of my dinner (6pm) because it wouldn’t settle… So thinking that it was just nausea, I go to bed and am back up at 4:47 and RUNNING for the bathroom were I proceeded to puke my brains out... I fall back asleep at 6am and the alarm went off at 8. I get to the U/S and they check my gallbladder and the tech starts saying “hmmm” and “does this hurt when I push?”…when I tell her that I’ve had no pain and that the only pain I am currently feeling is from the wand in my rib cage she says “hmmm” again and then nothing else. As I’m walking out she tells me to expect a call from the Dr’s within a day or two. Not comforting. So I walk across the waiting room to the lab portion, get the sugar drink (which actually tasted pretty decent) and drink up. About a half hour after I drink it, I start getting the symptoms I had been complaining to the Dr about (lightheaded, dizzy, headache, hot flashes, etc)…then I pick up on the correlation. It’s almost always after I eat anything or consume anything. An hour passes and they draw my blood. She asks me how I’m feeling and I tell her…along with “I feel like I’ve been drinking all night”. She takes my blood, tells me to sit tight and leaves. She comes back in about 10 minutes later and asks if I was fasting… I tell her yes and she says that I need to go get something to eat. I told her that I live minutes away and that I was going to eat when I got home because the only thing between there and home was fast food and I can’t tolerate that lately…she then says that I shouldn’t leave unless someone was there to drive me – I manage to convince her that someone is outside (meanwhile there wasn’t) and leave...as she’s telling me to expect a phone call. So I don’t know if it was high, low or if she was just being stupid.

I went home, fell asleep ( can’t eat anything – managed to drink a glass of milk – that’s the best I’ve done... ) and got up and came to work... I feel shitty – hotter than heck, just overall yucky. If it doesn’t go away by morning, I’m going to call the Doc and see what he says.

But at least it's over for now...

27-28 Week Appointment

Heard the baby's heartbeat again...a sound I will never get tired of. I told the Nurse and the Doctor about my little "hot flash" incidents that I've been having and that combined with food tolerances (well...more intolerances) earned me a gallbladder ultrasound. Though I swear I am bring bribed...he also scheduled another obstetrical ultrasound which we'll have on the 30th. It's another chance to see Peanut, so I won't complain. I have to do the 1hr GTT sooner rather than later because of the symptoms I've been having...so that will be right after Christmas - Merry Christmas to me. :-P

I'm only up a 1/2 a pound...3 pounds total...YAHOO! They're still very happy with that...as am I!

I go back in three weeks...and then we will start on every two weeks for a month/month and a half and then weekly after that... It's hard to believe that in 12 weeks this will all be over!

Ultrasound

What a little brat child I have! :-) The tech kept looking and the baby would bend it's knees and place the feet right where he was trying to look - then, the baby would kick at the wand and you could feel him/her move until it was to the point the tech was chasing the baby with it! The last pass through he made, he/she decided to bend right in half just about and all you saw were hands and feet... So we don't know for sure... :-( But he said that after looking at everything he's "leaning towards a girl" but "can only say that with about 30% certainty"... Still, it didn't look like there was anything there. (hehehehe...he said it's either a little girl, or a little boy.) As of right now, she's breech... but with all the moving around she does, that can change. I'm 24w3d today, Peanut was measuring at 25w1d... 1lb12oz so far... Though he says the weight estimates techs give can vary one way or the other by 114oz (Oi) I have two pics (which I have to scan) that didn't come out TOO great - they have a wonderful machine, but a crappy printer, but all in all, a WONDERFUL experience! Scott got there JUST AS they started (he was across town when I called him and told him they had had a cancellation) and got to see the whole thing... The HR was measuring at 143bpm... (It was in the 140's yesterday, too, but has been measuring 150-160 every other day)...

24 Weeks 2 Days

Today's appointment was uneventful...which was nice for a change. Heartrate was in the high 140's and it didn't seem like the baby wanted to be found for a few moments - talk about nervewracking :-P Weight is great, still only up 3 lbs total... BP was better (136/88) and there was only a trace of protein in my urine. We got orders for another ultrasound which is tentatively scheduled for Friday the 2nd. If they get a cancellation before the Friday afternoon appointment, they will call me ASAP and let me know. :-)

Darn Blood Pressure

22 Weeks

Today's appointment went relatively well until we got to the blood pressure portion... 136/92. Whoops. The nurse and the Dr were quite unhappy. Baby's heartrate is measuring wonderful (was fluctuating between 155 and 165) and the Dr thinks that based on that it will be a girl... Because of my blood pressure they will be scheduling another U/S within the next month (it gets scheduled at my next appointment which is in 2 weeks)...and hopefully then we'll be able to tell if it's a boy or girl. Though, as the Dr mentioned to Scott, either way the sex is his fault :-).

Other than that, a relatively uneventful visit... I have to drink more fluids (which we knew), but there's no protein in my urine so that's a great sign.

19 Weeks and 3 Days

Today was my follow up appointment because of my high blood pressure. They've officially diagnosed me with PIH - Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. They weren't too concerned with today's BP, though it was just about as high as the last one. I showed them the log of BP's that I had, and he was pleased. I am to continue monitoring my BP (daily and with any headaches/signs/symptoms) and then notify him if the diastolic raises above 90 mmHg. Thankfully, it hasn't hit that point - it's been close a few times, but hasn't hit it. I showed him the cat bite that I got yesterday and he said it all looked fine. He just said to watch for any signs of an infection. I go back in 3 weeks (better than 2, but still not back up to the 4 weeks I was at) and if I have any problems with pain, I'm to call him ASAP (I guess pain in your back isn't completely normal - I figured it came with the territory). It wasn't as though it came in intervals or anything of that nature. Oh well. They measured the baby's heartrate - though he doesn't listen as long as I would like him to listen.

In other news, I won the auction for the crib set I wanted! It should be here within the week... I didn't win the light (scroll down) but I'm sure I will find another one like it before the baby comes - which seems to be in mid-late February I keep getting told, despite the fact that my due date isn't until March 19. But as long as she/he is healthy, I'll be happy.

Crib Picture

This is not the set that is going in the crib (though it is rather adorable) but this is *THE* crib...I found it at Target and fell in love with it... It's the 5-in-1 version, so it will grown with the baby. (It also matches the Armoire from Aunt Helen rather nicely! Big Plus!)

Nursery!

We've finally decided that instead of waiting for the baby to let the gender be known, we're going to go ahead with a gender neutral theme, just in case. I found the CUTEST Pooh Set...and a really cute light to match it...Yeah, it's on EBay, but it's never been used, so what's it matter in the grand scheme of things? It closes in two days and at $85 the reserve price hadn't been met, but here's hoping. Considering the set I wanted previously was over $200, even paying $100 would be cheap.

Ultrasound Images

The "BIG" Ultrasound and it's a...

...little brat. (smile) Already he or she has quite the personality. Peanut (as some of my friends have started calling him/her) refused to cooperate. When they first started the U/S he/she was waving and kicking away at the wand...as we got through with all the main stuff (heart, head, measurements, etc) the tech started to look for the sex... No go. He/She had their legs closed right tight. So the tech started doing other measurements... We move back to get the gender and now he/she has their ankles crossed. So she does a few other measurements that she doesn't really need just to kill time... We go back down again and now, the little brat was literally sitting indian style and we couldn't get up underneath or above enough to tell. *Sigh* Oh well. At least everything measured well. He/She is quite the active one - kicking away and waving...we even saw him/her sucking their thumb which was sweet to see. We got to measure the circumfrence of the head and torso as well as measuring the 4 long bones... Talk about long legs! Oh well... I guess I'm not supposed to know yet (but go ahead - ask me if I'm taking my own advice) but all measured well and appears really healthy after yesterday's B/P fiasco, so I suppose I don't have anything to complaint about. I'll get the pictures scanned soon.

17 Week Appointment

So I went in for my Dr's appointment today feeling great. I was in a great mood, didn't feel sick like I had this morning (couldn't stop throwing up ) and was just overall ready for the appointment. We do the urine check which was fine (no trace of the albumin that had been in the last sample) and then we start the vital signs. I didn't gain a single pound...which was nice...and the Dr was happy about. But then we moved on to my blood pressure. I've almost always ran 120/80's... However today, my blood pressure was 136/96. The nurse wasn't happy - everything else checked out though. So DH and I go into the exam room to wait for the Dr and he comes in and looks at the chart - sees the BP and immediately tells me to lay down. So I lay down, he checks the baby's HR and everything is fine - sounded like about 160's or so... Then he checks the fundal height, which was also good. Next thing I know, he's telling me to lay on my side and that I'm going to lay there until my pressure comes down. If it doesn't come down enough, he says, he's going to ship me to the hospital. Just the thing to tell a pregnant woman who's pressure is already too high. So I lay down, think relaxing things, and he starts telling me that we're not going to wait until 20 weeks(+) to do the BIG U/S...he's going to bump it up to tomorrow to make sure that everything's OK with the baby because of the blood pressure. He also wants to draw more blood and do a 24 hour urine test to make sure that everything is in order...all in all, they don't know what caused the spike because as the nurse told him, I was fine when I came in and didn't show any signs of being nervous, etc. After all that, he tells me to come back in 2 weeks...which is 2 weeks shy of the monthly schedule I'm supposed to be on... They then recheck my pressure - and it's down, to 118/66... I can't explain it, the nurse can't explain it, the Dr looked surprised....no one knows what the deal is. So while I'm not as nervous as I was then, I'm still a tad nervous. But thankfully, we find out tomorrow what the sex is, (hopefully if peanut cooperates) and they're going to recheck the pressure tomorrow to make sure it's better.

Monthly Appointment

I've gained a whole three pounds...and the Dr's happy about that. All in all, a good checkup. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat, which was reassuring. However, he told me no more 16 hour shifts for at least the month - "we'll re-evaluate after a month"... THAT'LL make County happy - *sigh*... Other than that, we're doing the 'simple blood test' version of the Triple Screen - they're going to give us our odds of having a child with a genetic defect. I have to have that drawn sometime between the 26th of September and the 3rd of October. Next appointment is October 13th...



Meanwhile I have to go see my primary care provider - I keep getting increasingly short of breath and have minor palpitations - they're not too concerned as they feel it has everything to do with the increased blood volume, but we're going to double check anyhow.

Finally! Ultrasound Picture!

OK - I finally got the picture uploaded! This is one of the ultrasound images from 2 weeks ago (August 29, 2005)... I was exactly 11 weeks that day and the baby measured at 11 weeks and 1 day. His/Her heartrate was at 167 beats per minute which is really good. It was definitely too early to tell the sex of the baby, but the tech said that it we are able to get the Dr to allow us to come back at about 20 weeks, she should be able to tell. The baby was verrrrry active ... he/she was doing flips and somersaults - and the tech said she saw his/her little arm waving. He/She is sitting very low still and she had a hard time getting to see the baby. The picture is a magnified one, so that's why it looks a little grainy - that and the fact that the machines they are using are somewhat antiquated. As we progress, I'm going to try and find someone in the area that does 3D or 4D imaging.



13 weeks today! Scott says he thinks I'm finally starting to show - I don't see it yet though...



We have another Dr's appointment tomorrow... I'm going to ask him why I have no real appetite. I have to almost force myself to eat and then when I do, I get the feeling I'm going to be sick...but I don't get sick. Who knows. *shrug*

Week 11

I just got an email that informed me that I am officially 11 weeks today. Thank goodness. :-P I still don't feel it though - and I certainly don't look it. In fact I've lost weight - and while it's disconcerting, I'm told it can be completely normal. Here's hoping it is. :-) The only symptom I am having now is a headache from time to time - unless you count the mood swings though while they DO make an appearance, they're few and far between. The image you're looking at is what a baby looks like at 11 weeks...it's a 3D Sonogram Image... We'll get to see our baby on the 29th (Monday, yay!) and hopefully we'll get a picture I can upload here. After the appointment it's up to Mom and Dad's to celebrate birthdays...

10 Weeks

I'm in between 10 and 11 weeks right now and you still can't tell that I'm pregnant - at least I can't. I keep waiting for the 'baby belly' to start and there isn't one...I've lost 4 lbs, which the Dr will be OK with as he said that some women do lose weight...no more real symptoms - except the tiredness. Nothing else is really new - we have the ultrasound on the 29th of this month - and *fingers crossed* hopefully all goes well. Then it will be a much better picture that's posted

Breathing Again :-)

It's been a rough 2 days. I had spotting - no cramping - that I thought for sure was an indicator that we were losing the baby...turns out no. Late July my HCG was 17,000...yesterday it was 109,000. Apparently between 8 and 9 weeks there's some development taking place within the placenta which can cause spotting - so I was freaking out for nothing :-) Let me just tell you how happy Mom was to hear that after I woke her up at 1:30 in the morning crying like a nut.

I was so nervous that the nurse would call and would want to talk to me about scheduling an appointment - did you ever notice that they schedule an appointment when they want to tell you bad news? As if it's not bad enough they're going to deliver bad news, they also want their co-pay :-P So when I call and the receptionist says "please hold, the nurses have been trying to get ahold of you" that tended to freak me out a little - especially since I was a little tightly wound since I couldn't get anyone to stay off of the phone it seemed :-) I keep telling Scott not to be surprised when CallWaiting gets added to the phone :-P *wink*

Doobie Doobie Dooo...

Let me just tell you how difficult it was to abstain from the glass of Asti Champagne offered to me in between my cousin's wedding and the reception. But I did it. We did finally tell my 'extended' family...it felt good to tell them. However, a 2 day trip to PA to go to a wedding with a SIX hour reception - I don't recommend it in the first trimester...Granted, I'm thrilled I went (she looked beautiful and it was great to see everyone)...but I was absolutely exhausted to the point that I slept through the drive from Mt Pocono to Sidney...and was only awake from Sidney to Oneonta because I had to pee!

The Dr postponed my appointment to the 9th at noon ... they had to perform an emergency C-Section this morning so he cleared his afternoon...it's somewhat reassuring. I mean, I'm sorry that someone had to go through that, but it's nice to know that if God Forbid it happens to me that he's not going to be thinking about all the appointments he has to get back to.

If the preliminary results are correct - I'm 2 months today. If not? I'm 3 months. I'm hoping that tomorrow we'll do an ultrasound to make sure.

We've picked 2 names...though I'm sure they're going to change :-) For a boy either Michael David or David Michael...for a girl Meghan Catherine. I can't wait until we can find out.

I've got to get better at this...

I seem to keep forgetting that I have a blog - much less that I have to post in it... :-) I just got back from Pennsylvania with Angie. We went to a concert and then spent the night at a rather nice hotel. We went swimming, ordered room service, relaxed (individually) in the shower and then went to sleep watching Roseanne...all after Kenny Chesney, Gretchen Wilson and Pat Green serenaded us. I almost froze Angie out of the hotel room with the air conditioning, but I'm told these hot flashes won't last long...here's hoping.

Monday's the first *real* Dr's appointment...this is when we'll find out just how far along I really am and what the story is. Finally I can get comfortable while I sleep - the body pillow is a wonderful invention.

I dragged Angie through Babie's 'R Us and found the CUTEST crib set...if it's a boy. It doesn't really suit a girl.

The devil...errr Katie...made me do it!

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your journal, or else!

First Round...

The first round of testing has been complete...they drew TEN vials of blood. TEN! They tested for blood type, RH +/-, antibodies, anemia, HCG levels, etc etc etc. And the lab tech was nothing to write home about. Oh well. The worst of it's over. They also did a PPD (which was negative). The next round of blood work will have to do with gestational diabeties, which they tell me I have to be tested for since my Dad has diabetes...that won't be until much later...earlier if I show symptoms.

The morning of Grandma's funeral was the worst day by far...between nerves, the crappy breakfast, my hormones and my genetics, I was sicker than all hell...I was supposed to do a reading and I couldn't do it. I felt horrible...not only physically, but emotionally because I feel like I let my mom down. :-( And I know she'd beat me if she read this, but it's true.

One of the guys tried to bribe me to work a shift with alcohol :-P It was funny to see his face when I told him why that wouldn't work...Though I think I'll work it anyway...we'll see. It depends on what time I can get back from the wedding. I would have to be back here at 8am...that means leaving PA at 5:00am. Maybe I'll work 1/2 of it. We'll see.

It's been a while...

...since I've posted. My grandmother died last night. And while it's a blessing because she's not suffering anymore, I can't help but be sad as I remember snippets from the past...like the silly outfit with the purple high heels she let me wear in PUBLIC with her when I went out to dinner with her and Uncle Walter...I was young...I had leggings, an oversized sweater, the white ankle socks and PURPLE high heels on :-P Then there was the time she came up to visit when we were on Clauverwie and she left early because Joey and I couldn't get along... I remember her being there for Easter one year (may have been the same year even...) and I have a picture of all of us on the front steps in our Easter garb... I remember the way she smelled...in fact remembering it when I discovered they had bought her some to wear at the nursing home...I remember so much more...but they're all little pieces that I can't seem to put into full blown memories. I have a pin of hers that she gave me...before the Alzheimers really kicked in. It's a gold pin with a cursive "K" on it...

In baby land things are going well...Thankfully the people at work now know about it and therefore I can wear people clothes that don't cut into me. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm further along than just 6 weeks...it would explain quite a bit. I suppose I'll find out Monday morning. Scott's mom brought down a bunch of baby stuff...there are some reallllly cute sweaters that are absolutely ADORABLE!

No Symptoms?

OK...1 week ago I had symptoms galore...now? Just about nothing. Sure, I'm hungry...yeah, I'm tired (OK...exhausted)...and I certainly have to go to the bathroom all the time, but other than that? Nothing. It makes me a little nervous. It makes me wonder whether or not everything is OK... So with that question in mind, I turned to http://www.babycenter.com. Turns out that there are a bunch of other women with the same concerns. It doesn't mean that anything's wrong...it just means you're lucky. :-) It also turns out that just changing the due date from 3/21/06 to 3/19/06 "sets me back" a week. So where we thought I was actually in the end of the 6th week, it's just the beginning. Oh well...we'll get there soon enough.

Confirmed

Today was my appointment with my family practitioner - they confirmed the pregnancy. :-) I'm more nervous than ever, but I'm starting to do better with it. The cramps from my uterus stretching are doing much better...though the exhaustion is starting to set in. And I can't seem to ride in a car for too long without getting uncomfortable. The worst part seems to be between 3:30 am and 5:30 am. That's when I get my morning nausea. Thankfully no puking, but even just the nausea sucks.

My dad gave me a rose today when we were leaving in honor of the pregnancy :-) I took a picture of it so that I can scrapbook it.

I'm tired, so this entry's reallllly short. I'm headed to either the couch or the bed. I haven't decided which yet.

Week 6 Details - ALREADY?

I found this in my email this morning...I can't believe it would be week 6 already...

The first heartbeats have begun! The heart is dividing into chambers and will soon find a more regular rhythm. The embryo itself is about a quarter of an inch long and looks more like a tadpole than a human. It undergoes a tremendous growth spurt this week. Major organs, including the kidneys and liver, begin to grow. The neural tube, which connects the brain and spinal cord, will close this week. The embryo's upper and lower limb buds begin to sprout forming your baby's arms and legs. The intestines are developing and the appendix is in place. Facial features are already forming. Nostrils are becoming distinct, and the earliest versions of the retinas of the eyes are forming. Your baby is smaller than a grain of rice, with a beating heart about the size of a poppy seed.

That is the image they send for reference...

Ugh

I went upstairs to be with the intentions of going to sleep at 2:00AM. That didn't happen. From 2 until about 5:30 I felt like I was going to lose anything/everything that I had eaten the day prior. The only thing that calmed me down was listening to my headphones (Martina McBride) and playing "Monopoly" on my cell phone. I finally fell asleep at about 5:30 and didn't get up until 1:30 this afternoon -and I'm still tired. I didn't want to get out of bed, but did so out of necessity. When we refilled the chambers in the water bed I think we put too much in. It's not hard as a rock...and considering my back is sore, I now can't tell what the source is! :-)

Tomorrow morning I go to the Dr....I'm calling him first thing and then getting the bloodwork done. I want to know before we go up to my parents house.

Week 5 Details

How your baby's growing: Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, mesoderm, and endoderm — that will later form his organs and tissues. The cells are forming for his major organs, including his kidneys and liver, and his neural tube is beginning to develop. This neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — develops in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel. His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue. The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

Wow.

Wow. Saturday, July 16 just a little after 12:30am, my life changed...in a good way though. This is when I took a pregnancy test to see if I could determine the reason for my missing period. (Though let me tell you I wasn't too upset she hadn't shown up yet!) I found my reason. Within SECONDS I had two lines indicating a positive result. I couldn't believe it...I still can't believe it.

I'm scared. Not only is this 9 months of weight gain, horomones, backaches, gas, vomiting, etc, but after that, it's however many hours of excruciating pain followed by being responsible for someone for *18* years. I'm nervous. Is it gonna hurt? Will the pregnancy be uneventful? Will the baby be OK? Will I even go to term? Is Scott going to be as excited as he is when we talk about it in the hypothetical? How will he take it? There's so much to consider....besides the obvious, I can't get my shoulder fixed for awhile...or my teeth...and I know that aspect is vanity, but it's a big issue for me.

The other question is this...what if it's a false positive? What if I'm getting excited and getting my hopes built up just to have them dashed on Monday morning? Sure, the signs are there...but are they there because I want them to be or because they just are? Yeah...I'm doubting myself...it's what I do best...why change now?

How will the people at work take it? I value their opinion...greatly. Will they figure it out or will I have to tell them...Ray and Doug can be pretty intuitive when they want to be...these are the guys that wanted me to schedule a pregnancy test for August 7th because they "had a feeling" and wanted to bust on me...that was a month ago...and guess what? They were right - just a month early. Imagine how much fun I'm going to have with that.

Will I be able to afford this? Will I be a good mom? A mommy? Or will I be "Mother"? I have some serious doubts and it's making me all the more emotional...and things are just not where they should be when someone starts a family. We're still living with his mother. She keeps telling us about the baby items in the attic - that's not for me. I want my own stuff...I want to do things my own way.

Oi. All I know is that I'm exhausted...and I'm going to see if Katie's around but then I'm going to bed...sleeeeeeep. :-)