Wow.

Wow. Saturday, July 16 just a little after 12:30am, my life changed...in a good way though. This is when I took a pregnancy test to see if I could determine the reason for my missing period. (Though let me tell you I wasn't too upset she hadn't shown up yet!) I found my reason. Within SECONDS I had two lines indicating a positive result. I couldn't believe it...I still can't believe it.

I'm scared. Not only is this 9 months of weight gain, horomones, backaches, gas, vomiting, etc, but after that, it's however many hours of excruciating pain followed by being responsible for someone for *18* years. I'm nervous. Is it gonna hurt? Will the pregnancy be uneventful? Will the baby be OK? Will I even go to term? Is Scott going to be as excited as he is when we talk about it in the hypothetical? How will he take it? There's so much to consider....besides the obvious, I can't get my shoulder fixed for awhile...or my teeth...and I know that aspect is vanity, but it's a big issue for me.

The other question is this...what if it's a false positive? What if I'm getting excited and getting my hopes built up just to have them dashed on Monday morning? Sure, the signs are there...but are they there because I want them to be or because they just are? Yeah...I'm doubting myself...it's what I do best...why change now?

How will the people at work take it? I value their opinion...greatly. Will they figure it out or will I have to tell them...Ray and Doug can be pretty intuitive when they want to be...these are the guys that wanted me to schedule a pregnancy test for August 7th because they "had a feeling" and wanted to bust on me...that was a month ago...and guess what? They were right - just a month early. Imagine how much fun I'm going to have with that.

Will I be able to afford this? Will I be a good mom? A mommy? Or will I be "Mother"? I have some serious doubts and it's making me all the more emotional...and things are just not where they should be when someone starts a family. We're still living with his mother. She keeps telling us about the baby items in the attic - that's not for me. I want my own stuff...I want to do things my own way.

Oi. All I know is that I'm exhausted...and I'm going to see if Katie's around but then I'm going to bed...sleeeeeeep. :-)