As I sat on the floor by Meghan's crib tonight I realized something...she really IS growing up. It's really been two years (almost). I can't believe how time has flown and I *really can't believe that this incredible little person is my daughter.
We tried FOREVER to have her...Doctors had said it couldn't be done...that it was time to consider alternatives...but yet - there she was...she just had to come on her own time frame...and she's been that way ever since.
I went through a slew of emotions when I found I was pregnant...at one point I wondered if I was crazy for wanting to have a baby and wondered if parenthood was something I really wanted. Did I want to "give up my freedom"? Did I want to give up sleep? Did I want to give up any hope for adult conversation that didn't consist of "did she poop today"? It took until her birth for me to realize that yes...yes I did. All of a sudden it didn't matter if I couldn't go out every night...it didn't matter if all I could talk about was the fact that she had thrown up (again) all over me (again) and that I was changing my clothes (again)...all that mattered was her...and how I felt when I held her...when she snuggled in to me...and then puked (again). :-)
I can't believe the changes in her...how she's gone from this 7lb 12oz little "peanut" to a nearly 30lb "brute" (said with all the love and affection in the world). She's my little toughie. But yet, when she's sleeping, she's so peaceful...and blissfully quiet...and just so perfect to look at...
Which is what I found myself doing for 10 minutes tonight...as I placed her in her OWN bed (after finding she had conned her way into her grandmothers) and she said "hiiiii" to me, I couldn't turn away...I couldn't just lay her down and leave...I sat there as she fell asleep fingering her blanket (like I would DARE put her to bed without it?)...and as she sighed when she snuggled in to her pillow (Dora...it HAS to be Dora...and it has to be two pillowcases) I wondered to myself "when did she become a big girl"? I know she's not...really...in all senses of the word...but still. Time is flying way too fast for me. I took time today to flip through her pictures from birth to present...and I took the time to scroll through my journal entries from finding out I was pregnant...to finding out the complications (blood pressure/diabetes)...to finding out we were inducing...to finding out she had her own plans and wasn't wanting to come out and the subsequent c-section...to re-living her birth and every post from then until now...and now I can appreciate what people were saying when they told me that they grow up too fast...
She points out "cars" when she sees them...before I thought that I had a lot of time before we had to worry about her and driving...and even though it's 14 years...it really doesn't seem so far away when I think of how quickly time has already gone.
I love her...more than life itself. I'd give my life for her, in a second, without hesitation. I never understood just how much you could love someone...until I became a Mommy...
I thought I understood my Mother...and now I'm finding that I never FULLY did...and I'm garnering new appreciation for her everyday...especially when I find myself doing things she did...(you know, the things you say you'll NEVER do? yeah...those)
So thank you, Mommy. I probably never say it enough...but I love you and Daddy and I truly do appreciate you and all that you've done for Joey and I...all that you've sacrificed and finagled...everything.
Rambling over...sentimental moment over. We'll never speak of this again. OK?
(Oh yeah...Meghan? Mommy loves you...Sweet dreams, baby girl.)
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